You can negotiate anything by Herb Cohen

Author:Herb Cohen [Herb Cohen]
Language: eng, eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BANTAM BOOKS
Published: 2013-08-19T16:00:00+00:00

Speaking of counteracting emotional tactics, this brings me to a question that I have often been asked lately. The questioner is commonly a woman executive in business or government. The problem generally develops in meetings with peers and higher-ups. Apparently, while this female manager is stating her opinion or rendering a report, a male staff member will habitually engage in table thumping or verbal bullying by raising his voice or even shouting. The advice being solicited is, “How do you deal with this verbal bully engaged in tactical intimidation?”

Fundamentally, it is important to realize that the so-called intimidator or “man child” is the person with the problem. Despite the provocation, the recipient of this abuse must remain calm and serene. Never try to slug it out with the bully, but don’t back down either. Continue to state your reasoned ideas with confidence. If he continues, lower your voice below its normal pitch. Should his rantings persist, you may not even be heard, but your control will be in stark contrast to his infantile behavior. By this time those present will identify with you and the verbal bully will be an embarrassment and no longer an amusement.

The verbal bully and those who practice these emotional ploys have usually learned this behavior as children. It may have been observed in a role model or picked up through trial and error. Those tactics which led to rewards were retained, and those which resulted in punishment or pain were discarded.

Not long ago, I overheard a child in a department store say to his parent, “If I don’t get a toy, I’ll lie down on the escalator!” Five minutes later, the youngster walked past me with a toy under one arm and a self-satisfied smile on his face. Should such a child be continually rewarded for threats and temper tantrums, these tactics will become ingrained in the child’s approach to controlling others.

Be reminded that when an adult negotiator occasionally lets fly—engages in a verbal attack—it can be assumed that it is usually unconscious behavior. The best track under these circumstances is to wait until the outburst is over and then thank the person for explaining his or her views so clearly and forcefully.

This reaction on your part most always makes the other person regret the outburst, and the person may even become more amenable.

Since the remaining three steps in the competitive Soviet style are consistent with what has been said previously, we can now pick up the pace.

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